Hope

You are my starry night, bleak and vast;

an ocean heavy and powerful beyond control.

As smoke passes through human hands, so you passed through my life.

You were read to me like a tragic story full of hope;

The character with a brilliant soul and a beautiful face - everything worth living for to the death.

I was so clever and courageous - crying for the challenge of life and a road of difficulty.

With my hands I'd make this right. With my strong heart I'd lift you into the Presence and make you whole.

I entered your story.

I became bound to you with every intention of my soul; I sought all of the answers for you as I silently searched the face of God for favor and strength to make you happy and provide hope for you. I soon realized that I was inadequate, a failure. I could not communicate properly, nor could I seem to give you anything but my own false hope and empty words. I knew I was a fool. I knew I could not do as I wished, I knew you would leave. It was pride and possessiveness that made me go on. I was sad, depleted, drained of strength and (as always) aware of my failure. Still, I kept going on (I still loved you). There is a vanity in this.
Then you left without explanation. You gave me a rejection after all I had become for you in order to find new love, a new person - no, a new romance. I've never believed in romance. It was a cultural lie that was inconsistent with the definition of love in my Book. Love was sacrifice in the kindest of ways touching and motivating it's object. Romance is predicated only on feelings; a hollowness without substance that will not endure the slow increase of sand in the glass.
You took her away (as You promised you would) a few days later, so I became a liar and a fake. I withdrew from everyone and everything. My thoughts and prayers diminished to be replaced by the cruel lash of sadness that will not go away, that flickers and tells me how frail I really am. These emotions remain chained by my knowledge.
I get up in the mornings only to see that my life is a vapor in the atmosphere of time, and I notice my days are like the coming and going of the tide - without thought or purpose. Where do I begin again?
My sins are more than I can count, my heart is sad and lonely unable to produce anything good that can bring me nearer to You. Man is in no way capable of touching the Living God, to think this is to lie and to put human will on the pedestal begging for trial from the God who dwells in inapproachable Light.
Four months have passed, like a lifetime lived by conflicting emotions, and I am still learning that in order to be whole, Your loving kindness must reign. Great God, only You can heal and mend; only Your love can fix our torn souls and wounded minds. Knowing You is our salvation which illuminates a hope that holds us above disappointment. Because grace and truth are found in the fullness of Your Presence. You have made me and so many Yours by Your sacrifice. Your blood has written a new covenant - that of Eternal love which holds true unto the ages of ages which has applied truth and grace to Your children without reserve. You are Love etching a worthless people into life while nailing our sin to the Lord of Glory. By this, we have entered Your story.
I know that life in this grace is worth living. I know that though Life is an ocean, but it can be gotten through by the God who parted the Red Sea and brought His people to the promised land. I now know that the eternal love of the Lord never ends, His mercies never stop flowing. They are given every morning, great is Your faithfulness, O God!

Soli Deo Gloria!