dedication of the homager

I met you once in the voice of another.
Drawn forth from the crowd,
I confessed your Name to others
and pledged a subjective allegiance to You because You had taken me (July 7, 2005).
I knew then, and I know now, that You are a Great King who will have and take what is rightly Yours. Then in fear and in love I came to You and knelt before the throne to recieve an apt grace because you placed my time of desperation upon me. The decision was made and my heart was cleansed. I loved, and love You still, though many lies have sought me out and ravaged the strength of my mind and soul. In those moments you came in order to bring bondage and freedom in Truth (in You).

I remember such wonderful Grace which turned me to You and girded me with a calling and a purpose (January 27, 2007). I remember again and unite myself to that which was given and to Him who gave it. I love You Lord!

I am enlivened in Christ's death, why then do I behave as if I can keep my life and love Yours all the same? For by You, we are sown in the earth in order to die and bear much fruit. Expurgate this man from the letters of the page.

Merciful Lord, my existence warrants Your destruction. I call forth Your wrath with every ungodly word spilling forth from my lips (my heart is an ignoble thing). But You give me reason to hope because Your patience is great and You love is from the foundation of the world. As I have been cleansed by Jesus, so let me live for Him. I place my paltry existence in Your hands; do with me as You will, Great King. I remember Your mercy and so I come and confess my sin. Now Lord, as You lived, so let me live. For I know well that no slave is greater than his Master. Amen.

Expurgate

Have you ever lived in a tired dream?
What is man but an entity thrust into a second darkness (to be, or not to be).
The human race walks on and on at a recalcitrant rate between the finite and infinite,
standing in constant movement as a smoldering wreckage of possibility.
Eo ipso, the race of man is a tired dream and will be the contorted possession of good and evil!
Ex Nihilo Nihil Fit.
Lord of Glory set us apart for You by the power of Your sanctity.
Expurgate this man for and by the fires of Your holiness.
Let me stand alone by Your will, for You.
Amen.

The Design

Go to the Holy King and take from His hand the love He offers you. Feed the Sheep.
That which you measure will be measured unto you. And this is His command, that you do all things justly, love to show mercy, and walk in complete lowliness with your King. As He has done for you, so will to do for others.

I love You, Lord. Let my actions be bound to this phrase.

Devotion (return)

Love Him as you once loved.
Love Him with sincere tenderness and devotion.
Wait for Him as those watch for morning;
Yes, wait for Him as surely as the morning.
Speak to Him as a child speaks to his Father.
Hold to His Word in sincerity without confliction.
You are His possession, His workmanship for good works.
You are created anew by the redemptive blood of Jesus.
Because You forgive, my Lord, I fear You.

For the Weary

Open your doors and let Him in.
Let Him into your hearts and houses.
For Jesus lies downtrodden in the street again.
Sprawled out in hunger, thirst, nakedness; Your Lord is estranged and in prison.
Spring of Eternal love for the loveless, today remain.
Let us take you into our lives, you who carries the world's disdain.

Sanctus Est

Life, death, and infinite breath.
You, shiny eyes in sockets of universal black.
Look down to us now, and speak of another.
Tell us again of hope in our despair.

They sit in their room alone against a whitewashed wall.
Blood pumping and running against the outside of broken skin.
In the fragmented disquiet, torrential sorrow flows through fleshy orifices made by an eager blade in a trembling hand.
Jesus, as you have healed your child from a mutilated spirit, so heal those who from the mutilation of spirit ravage their flesh in a perverted pursuit of redemption. You show me everyday your love, show them your love. You gave your flesh for our iniquities, let them give their iniquities to You - have mercy on weary souls and give them rest.
Let them know that though man is filled with a blackness and bile, You are filled with Light and wholeness. Thank you for your Flesh and Blood - the redemptive grace for the weary ones.
Amen.

flailing glass

The moaning things lean forward in the creaking house at the beginning of a long night.
Called forth by the drone of sound which stirs the woodwork and chipped paint, culture's Children of Ink close their eyes and open their hearts groping forth to touch the God of life. Sad spirits darkened in mind slur forth an incommunicable utterance bespeaking their human need for God within their hearts. Open their eyes and close off their brokenness with the balm of of Your deliverance. Amen.

Zeitgeist In Ecclesiastical Affairs

The World of darkness is expanding bright.
Reaching forward, these spirits of men possess all, and of all lose sight.
My heart being found by such an emptiness is rent.
The world’s promises are disillusioned needles - the consumer is spending, spending until all is spent. Alas! Possessed while possessing; the debauched spirit flies into despair by the hell of vain descent. Jesus have mercy on on us.

Christendom

She lost her Christ when taking up the mantle of good intentions.
Drawn to knowledge, but without sincerity her feet wander upon the fickle cobblestones of Inquiry only to find no rest. She is one always pursuing the questions and all the time possessing the answers (but not the truth). Indulgently she wears her right opinions with eager certainty, but they clothe her in the tawdry rags of ignorance and despair. The ignorance of not possessing truth or knowledge, and the despair of pretentiously setting upon the voyage without humility.

Now she sits, shipwrecked, on a self-made island of political dogma and theological assumption schizophrenically dancing with society but in her mind not apart of it. No, in her mind she is a bearer of Christ's truth, but her actions tell of a woman who stands for nothing because she cannot stand. A tempestuous wind, she bears her notions as the truth by a darkened mind. This is what she is! She is but a fruitless tree in late autumn, twice dead and uprooted. Her spirit is like a wild wave of the sea, foaming up shameless deeds. Everything she is wanders like a wayward star which in word screams of light yet still the deeds performed by her sultry heart scream truer the gloom of a nameless dark. The Truth is far from her, and she is far from the truth.

Hearken, you weary sleepers! Arise from the dead and Christ will give light to you!

יוֹנָה

Darkness veils your mighty face.
Your sword is drawn and so comes forth from Your mouth.
It comes and separates families, it divides homes.
By You we are taken from everything we love.
Jonah's vine has withered from our heads and an east wind burns against our hearts.
We can no longer remain silent and close our eyes to the corpses of human spirits invoking the judgement of God. Because the world's peace is a fatal vision in the desert we cannot drink of it's mirage, nor leave others to die by it's facade of hope. We are undone, please save us from our prophetic silence and our excuses to watch men die. Fill our hearts and our lips and our eyes with Your hope. Forget me not, and lead me into Light that I may see the vindication of my God.
Amen.

Let me extend my hands by Your strength.
Let my mouth speak by Your wisdom.
May my eyes see with Your compassion.
Amen.

מִיכָה

Where is Our Refuge?

Is there any acknowledgement of You for Your people in this land?
Are Your eyes shut that you cannot see our divisions and sins?
Will You forget Your promises to Your people and leave us without deliverance?
For we have become likened to the wind, so our hearts are driven by incontinent desires. Therefore, Death opens it's mouth wide and we cannot escape. Almighty, Your חסד is all that can save. Without the outpouring of Jesus from Your heart in human form and frailty, we are left to ruination. For our hearts are blackened and cannot muster the wisdom or strength to save. Jesus, You were lowered to earth in humility, then raised up to heaven in the curse poverty. Enable us to look to You and free us from our sultry guilt and condemning stain. May it be so by Your power! To Him who died and lives be be all glory, honor, and praise!

A Song of Good Faith in God

My enemies, do not gloat over me!
Though I have fallen, I will get up.
Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.
I must endure the Lord’s anger,
for I have sinned against him.
But then he will defend my cause,
and accomplish justice on my behalf.
He will lead me out into the light;
I will experience firsthand his deliverance

Diapsalmata

On two broken hands, the lights go out.
Pain breaks out from the heart of one to weak to cry or shout.
This script is written in thin ink again -
the levi breaks, my excuses pour forth into my soul and onto my hands.

Purgation of heaven, come and burn away the stain.

Touch my lips, for I will soon die.

The man with a stone cold heart sees the vapor in the mirror...

Let it be in You. Amen.

The Night Beyond The Fire Was Sharp With Cold

For oceans of time, the ligaments of Your patience has taken it's stead.
Movements occur, for God once said (and all was).
But now the people You made have forgotten, they lay the valley, corpses dead.

Who is the man bound by his faith?
Will You hold his hand and keep him from the enemy of souls?
Or will his eyes melt like wax with his body as he looks to the hills for Your salvation from an evil world.

“They cry, ‘Harvest time has come and gone, and the summer is over, and still we have not been delivered.’"

מכתם

I think innocently of You and my heart is softened.
My thoughts turn within me and You come, O Lord You come and place Your hand on my weary heart and will to rest. You forgive my sins, answer my prayers, hold my hands, and see my eyes. Your love tenderly touches my spirit and I cannot hold back, but respond to such gracious provision with thanksgiving and gladness.
To You who clothes the flowers of the field with raiment, who gives the birds of the air food, and who gives to this poor man grace and fellowship with God be all glory, love, and response. Amen.

תְּהִלִּים

א לַמְנַצֵּחַ, מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד. 1 For the Leader. A Psalm of David;

ב בְּבוֹא-אֵלָיו, נָתָן הַנָּבִיא-- כַּאֲשֶׁר-בָּא, אֶל-בַּת-שָׁבַע. 2 When Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bath-sheba.

ג חָנֵּנִי אֱלֹהִים כְּחַסְדֶּךָ; כְּרֹב רַחֲמֶיךָ, מְחֵה פְשָׁעָי. 3 Be gracious unto me, O God, according to Thy mercy; according to the multitude of Thy compassions blot out my transgressions.

ד הרבה (הֶרֶב), כַּבְּסֵנִי מֵעֲו‍ֹנִי; וּמֵחַטָּאתִי טַהֲרֵנִי. 4 Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

ה כִּי-פְשָׁעַי, אֲנִי אֵדָע; וְחַטָּאתִי נֶגְדִּי תָמִיד. 5 For I know my transgressions; and my sin is ever before me.

ו לְךָ לְבַדְּךָ, חָטָאתִי, וְהָרַע בְּעֵינֶיךָ, עָשִׂיתִי:
לְמַעַן, תִּצְדַּק בְּדָבְרֶךָ-- תִּזְכֶּה בְשָׁפְטֶךָ. 6 Against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned, and done that which is evil in Thy sight; {N}
that Thou mayest be justified when Thou speakest, and be in the right when Thou judgest.

ז הֵן-בְּעָווֹן חוֹלָלְתִּי; וּבְחֵטְא, יֶחֱמַתְנִי אִמִּי. 7 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.

ח הֵן-אֱמֶת, חָפַצְתָּ בַטֻּחוֹת; וּבְסָתֻם, חָכְמָה תוֹדִיעֵנִי. 8 Behold, Thou desirest truth in the inward parts; make me, therefore, to know wisdom in mine inmost heart.

ט תְּחַטְּאֵנִי בְאֵזוֹב וְאֶטְהָר; תְּכַבְּסֵנִי, וּמִשֶּׁלֶג אַלְבִּין. 9 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

י תַּשְׁמִיעֵנִי, שָׂשׂוֹן וְשִׂמְחָה; תָּגֵלְנָה, עֲצָמוֹת דִּכִּיתָ. 10 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which Thou hast crushed may rejoice.

יא הַסְתֵּר פָּנֶיךָ, מֵחֲטָאָי; וְכָל-עֲו‍ֹנֹתַי מְחֵה. 11 Hide Thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

יב לֵב טָהוֹר, בְּרָא-לִי אֱלֹהִים; וְרוּחַ נָכוֹן, חַדֵּשׁ בְּקִרְבִּי. 12 Create me a clean heart, O God; and renew a stedfast spirit within me.

יג אַל-תַּשְׁלִיכֵנִי מִלְּפָנֶיךָ; וְרוּחַ קָדְשְׁךָ, אַל-תִּקַּח מִמֶּנִּי. 13 Cast me not away from Thy presence; and take not Thy holy spirit from me.

יד הָשִׁיבָה לִּי, שְׂשׂוֹן יִשְׁעֶךָ; וְרוּחַ נְדִיבָה תִסְמְכֵנִי. 14 Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation; and let a willing spirit uphold me.

טו אֲלַמְּדָה פֹשְׁעִים דְּרָכֶיךָ; וְחַטָּאִים, אֵלֶיךָ יָשׁוּבוּ. 15 Then will I teach transgressors Thy ways; and sinners shall return unto Thee.

טז הַצִּילֵנִי מִדָּמִים, אֱלֹהִים-- אֱלֹהֵי תְּשׁוּעָתִי:
תְּרַנֵּן לְשׁוֹנִי, צִדְקָתֶךָ. 16 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, Thou God of my salvation; {N}
so shall my tongue sing aloud of Thy righteousness.

יז אֲדֹנָי, שְׂפָתַי תִּפְתָּח; וּפִי, יַגִּיד תְּהִלָּתֶךָ. 17 O Lord, open Thou my lips; and my mouth shall declare Thy praise.

יח כִּי, לֹא-תַחְפֹּץ זֶבַח וְאֶתֵּנָה; עוֹלָה, לֹא תִרְצֶה. 18 For Thou delightest not in sacrifice, else would I give it; Thou hast no pleasure in burnt-offering.

יט זִבְחֵי אֱלֹהִים, רוּחַ נִשְׁבָּרָה:
לֵב-נִשְׁבָּר וְנִדְכֶּה-- אֱלֹהִים, לֹא תִבְזֶה. 19 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; {N}
a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise.

כ הֵיטִיבָה בִרְצוֹנְךָ, אֶת-צִיּוֹן; תִּבְנֶה, חוֹמוֹת יְרוּשָׁלִָם. 20 Do good in Thy favour unto Zion; build Thou the walls of Jerusalem.

כא אָז תַּחְפֹּץ זִבְחֵי-צֶדֶק, עוֹלָה וְכָלִיל;
אָז יַעֲלוּ עַל-מִזְבַּחֲךָ פָרִים. 21 Then wilt Thou delight in the sacrifices of righteousness, in burnt-offering and whole offering; {N}
then will they offer bullocks upon Thine altar. {P}

מַשְׂכִּיל

Lord, take my hands and my heart.
My hollow life is that which i own, now I am free to give everything over to You. Two hands with a body of white clay. I see myself for what I am, please let me see more of who you are by רוח הקודש.

Take away from me all of my dreams and ambitions.
Take me from the private desires I keep for myself.
Keep me from the passion of my own will, and grant that I may be placed under the discipline of Your wisdom and humility. Amen.

Confessions from the beginning

The bony claw of tempatation has rested her hand upon my chest.
To frail and weary of mind to know how to turn away, she fixes her nails further in me and all I thought I could do was walk calmly away with her (which I did).
The memories I carry - the lust of the eyes, the tradgedy of human ethos rush to my face like a blast of fire. Fragments of existence without grace haunt me today and fall upon me like a net from the fowler (Lord free me from this net).
Lord, I place my unworthy nature in Your hands. I cannot carry myself to freedom, nor can I long for it without Your saving grace. I ask for Your holy Spirit to fill me and draw me closer to You. Please reveal to me grace and truth, and transform me by them further. Amen.


"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.
All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing that exists came into being.
In Him was Life, and that Life was the Light of men.
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overpowered it."

"Shepherd your people with your shepherd’s rod,

the flock that belongs to you,

the one that lives alone in a thicket,

in the midst of a pastureland."

Lord, we are broken and far from You.
Our hearts wander in weariness from the peace of our God.
Hold our hands and fill our thoughts; draw us closer to truth.
Open our hearts to seek and live for You.
Shepherd Your people Israel in the steadfastness of Your love, forever Amen.

Ps. 116 Rephrase

What shall I give in return to the Lord for all that He has given me?
I will raise the cup of deliverance
and raise my voice unto the name of the Lord,
I will fulfill all of my words to the Lord in the presence of all His people...

O How the Grace of God Amazes Me!

O How the Grace of God Amazes Me!
(Words: Emmanuel Sibomana, Music: Frederick John Barff. c. Church Mission Society)

O how the grace of God
Amazes me!
It loosed me from my bonds
And set me free!
What made it happen so?
’Twas His will, this much I know,
Set me, as now I show,
At liberty.

My God has chosen me,
Though one of nought,
To sit beside my King
In heaven’s court.
Hear what my Lord has done
O, the love that made Him run
To meet His erring son!
This has God wrought.

Not for my righteousness,
For I have none,
But for His mercy’s sake,
Jesus, God’s Son,
Suffered on Calvary’s tree -
Crucified with thieves was He -
Great was His grace to me,
His wayward one.

And when I think of how,
At Calvary,
He bore sin’s penalty
Instead of me.
Amazed, I wonder why
He, the sinless One, should die
For one so vile as I;
My Saviour He!

Now all my heart’s desire
Is to abide
In Him, my Saviour dear,
In Him to hide.
My shield and buckler He,
Covering and protecting me:
From Satan’s darts I’ll be
Safe at His side.

Lord Jesus, hear my prayer,
Your grace impart;
When evil thoughts arise
Through Satan’s art,
O, drive them all away
And do You, from day to day,
Keep me beneath Your sway,
King of my heart.

Come now, the whole of me
Eyes, ears and voice,
Join me, creation all,
With joyful noise:
Praise Him who broke the chain
Holding me in sin’s domain,
And set me free again!
Sing and rejoice!

"Once, man and those in the water were linked. They inspired us. They spoke of the future. Man listened and it became real. But man does not listen very well. Man's need to own everything led him deeper into land. The magic world of the ones that lived in the ocean... and the world of men... separated. Through the centuries, their world and all the inhabitants of it... stopped trying. The world of man became more violent. War upon war played out, as there were no guides to listen to. Now those in the water are trying again... trying to reach us. A handful of their precious young ones have been sent into the world of man. They are brought in the dead of night... to where man lives. They need only be glimpsed... and the awakening of man will happen. But their enemies roam the land. There are laws that are meant to keep the young ones safe... but they are sent at great risk to their lives. Many... do not return. Yet still they try... try to help man. But man may have forgotten how to listen..." -Lady In the Water

Loyalty

Risk yourself to this cause;
To the one whose words lead you from death to life.
Trust Him who leads you beside still waters and comforts you soul.
Keeping to His road, traverse the plains until the rest is given.
Truth is not illusive. It is that which binds each individual to another in harmony with creation and Creator. Give everything away in order to stand awake in this light. Lord let me be faithful to You. Sustain me in Your strength, and motivate me by the power of Your love. Amen.

To this Author (an address)

A Heavenly life is violence borne in hand.
There is no hope for sloth who holds not the plough,
Who looks back to sin and the world and runs from the command.
Beware the snare within the slough!

Hallowed be the Name
that expels our fears and heals in light.
Remember this too, the difficulty is the same.
The enemy seeks to sift you as wheat in day and night.

So be vigilant and seek Him still.
Remembering the promise, "you will not fear the terror of night, or the arrow that flies by day" and so embrace the God of peace finding strength of will.

Semper Fi
(Psalm 23).

Something to do with Questions

Lines upon a paper,
an etch of thought.
a truth prefered,
but find it not.

Smoke billows from a hollow tower
and the castle of flame.
yet she sits in her bower
remembering Your name.

So I say, (he who writes to you)
find the courage to look,
and by obedience to the book
see your days renew.

Momento Mori

Jesus I My Cross Have Taken

"Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken"
by Henry Francis Lyte, 1793-1847

1. Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee;
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my All shalt be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I've sought or hoped or known;
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.

2. Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
And while Thou shalt smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends may shun me;
Show Thy face, and all is bright.

3. Go, then, earthly fame and treasure!
Come, disaster, scorn, and pain!
In Thy service, pain is pleasure;
With Thy favor, loss is gain.
I have called Thee Abba, Father!
I have stayed my heart on Thee.
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather,
All must work for good to me.

4. Man may trouble and distress me,
'Twill but drive me to Thy breast;
Life with trials hard may press me,
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me
While Thy love is left to me;
Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

5. Take, my soul, thy full salvation;
Rise o'er sin and fear and care;
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
What a Father's smile is thine,
What a Savior died to win thee;
Child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?

6. Haste, then, on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith and winged by prayer;
Heaven's eternal day's before thee,
God's own hand shall guide thee there.
Soon shall close the earthly mission,
Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope soon change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

Thought of Absurdity the fifty-twentieth-and-two

The Epigraph

Tired and pensive memory I've found.
Through the life of hidden thoughts and latent dreams.
Why have you whispered across the sea?
To such a confusing torrent, to this I'm bound.
Now, cease speaking so suddenly to me.

Hitherto the pasts unwind
always a broken, endless seam.
Two sentients live, break and bind.
Such a colourful dream.

Touch of Starlight

Your blue eyes bear a glint, a touch of starlight;
but now, your spirit lies in obscurity, resting in molten candlewax.
Time goes on in a linear motion, yet in you a thick shadow remains (everything is dimming).
Such a smile accompanied by kindly features, a painted face!
Now swells of distant colours a disarrayed, yet beautiful contortion of human grace.
Come to the Light, O you sinner and be redeemed.

Heart of hearts

You have looked upon Your servant's lowliness, seen him for what he really is, and then you chose to draw him to the covenant love at the cross of Jesus - I have been delivered from all my sin.
Thus, I became a servant of this Gospel by Your free gift of grace at work through the Power of the One who raised Jesus from the place of the dead. You spoke of a difficult Road to me then, and now You give me grace on it as I have begun to tread all the places of life grasping Your hand along the way.
I am not my own to live as I wish. Now by the out-pouring of Your life, You have graciously freed me from my choices, and so You have continued to love me despite my inconstant and wavering devotion. God of grace and truth, be glorified despite my weak efforts and ignorant choices! Protect me by the power of Your Name and so let me live, as many through the course of History, to raise up the knowledge of Christ in this world!
May my heart be always bound by vision of Jesus to the Everlasting Heart of hearts!

Nox

Oh you, Journeymen!
Beware of the tower's reign -
the fell voice and power's stain.

Ho! Journeymen, lift up your empty hearts!
Lift them high to the Eastern Light.
Hold out your hearts then fire touch,
and never more be lost from sight!

For though you have little, this act is much.
Now you have become a glimmer, a pale reflection in a world of night.
Hold fast, dear Journeymen, to the Eastern Light!

Fire

What is vast beyond beyond our human existence, but dances with our awareness?
What is it that binds itself in clarity to our wind, and presses us into the Kingdom of Light?
What is it that is so hidden by culture and social structure that only the most unaware, vagabond can percieve it? It takes us and binds us to the unseen in belief and deed. To the pure it is unmitigated, to the double minded it is an ancillary illusion. It leaves no room for comprimise or poor performance, it is the wound of righteousness that all the convicted possess. It alone testifies to our belief in Jesus.

Lord, be glorified.

To the Holy Spirit

"Come, true light.
Come, life eternal.
Come, hidden mystery.
Come, treasure without name.

Come, reality beyond all words.
Come, person beyond all understanding.
Come, rejoicing without end.
Come, light that knows no evening.

Come, unfailing expectation of the saved.
Come, raising of the fallen.
Come, resurrection of the dead.
Come, all-powerful, for unceasingly you create, refashion and change all things by your will alone.

Come, for your name fills our hearts with longing, and is ever on our lips.
Come, for you are yourself the desire that is within me.
Come, my breath and my life.
Come, the consolation of my humble soul.

Come, my joy, my glory, my endless delight."

Come, purgation of my sin, my only love and hope.

Hope

You are my starry night, bleak and vast;

an ocean heavy and powerful beyond control.

As smoke passes through human hands, so you passed through my life.

You were read to me like a tragic story full of hope;

The character with a brilliant soul and a beautiful face - everything worth living for to the death.

I was so clever and courageous - crying for the challenge of life and a road of difficulty.

With my hands I'd make this right. With my strong heart I'd lift you into the Presence and make you whole.

I entered your story.

I became bound to you with every intention of my soul; I sought all of the answers for you as I silently searched the face of God for favor and strength to make you happy and provide hope for you. I soon realized that I was inadequate, a failure. I could not communicate properly, nor could I seem to give you anything but my own false hope and empty words. I knew I was a fool. I knew I could not do as I wished, I knew you would leave. It was pride and possessiveness that made me go on. I was sad, depleted, drained of strength and (as always) aware of my failure. Still, I kept going on (I still loved you). There is a vanity in this.
Then you left without explanation. You gave me a rejection after all I had become for you in order to find new love, a new person - no, a new romance. I've never believed in romance. It was a cultural lie that was inconsistent with the definition of love in my Book. Love was sacrifice in the kindest of ways touching and motivating it's object. Romance is predicated only on feelings; a hollowness without substance that will not endure the slow increase of sand in the glass.
You took her away (as You promised you would) a few days later, so I became a liar and a fake. I withdrew from everyone and everything. My thoughts and prayers diminished to be replaced by the cruel lash of sadness that will not go away, that flickers and tells me how frail I really am. These emotions remain chained by my knowledge.
I get up in the mornings only to see that my life is a vapor in the atmosphere of time, and I notice my days are like the coming and going of the tide - without thought or purpose. Where do I begin again?
My sins are more than I can count, my heart is sad and lonely unable to produce anything good that can bring me nearer to You. Man is in no way capable of touching the Living God, to think this is to lie and to put human will on the pedestal begging for trial from the God who dwells in inapproachable Light.
Four months have passed, like a lifetime lived by conflicting emotions, and I am still learning that in order to be whole, Your loving kindness must reign. Great God, only You can heal and mend; only Your love can fix our torn souls and wounded minds. Knowing You is our salvation which illuminates a hope that holds us above disappointment. Because grace and truth are found in the fullness of Your Presence. You have made me and so many Yours by Your sacrifice. Your blood has written a new covenant - that of Eternal love which holds true unto the ages of ages which has applied truth and grace to Your children without reserve. You are Love etching a worthless people into life while nailing our sin to the Lord of Glory. By this, we have entered Your story.
I know that life in this grace is worth living. I know that though Life is an ocean, but it can be gotten through by the God who parted the Red Sea and brought His people to the promised land. I now know that the eternal love of the Lord never ends, His mercies never stop flowing. They are given every morning, great is Your faithfulness, O God!

Soli Deo Gloria!

lux

light of dust between,
knowing you, Light unseen.
seeking for truth and love
within a man - a fear & something clean.
Following the seam from here to above;
Like no other - Emmanuel.